The Colonial Wars- A Novel In The Making

I entirely understand. Anyways, that little tidbit WAS pretty sucky, and it never got into the current rough/first/mid revision/still incomplete draft due to the extreme suckiness. BTW, that was something I improvised on the spot, so no wonder it was bad. At least my ideas pass through my nervous system extremely fast without causing a seizure or neurons dying of being overworked while still having fun.


A LOT of stuff got changed for the current beginning, and so now it is less likely people will have cognital failure or other such bad psychological ailments caused by a advanced topic that has little description. Fort Praetorius is now actually described (to a degree, more description will come in the actual ACTUAL Part Two, which is called The Dimension Next Door) and to explain why some characters are not described well, Jacob Freesky got offed (the personnel warp was not quick enough. The main reactor of the ship was based towards the front, and Jacob had been near the reactor room at the time when the heavy fire overloaded the reactor) and John Mermorro is with the Bringers at the time of the High General's betrayal, having now been genetically modified so that his lifespan is rather long (maybe he will die at the age of 3679, but I think I will keep him for a little bit longer).

Lemme just pick the draft out and see here....hmm....no, not the space chicken riot.....Ah! here we go.

NOTE: If I catch you using my writing and calling it your own, I WILL make sure that your life is ruined by shame. Seriously. Just don't steal from me. If you want to write something REE-LAYTEDD to my story, then say what you wrote was inspired by me, Skyblades, General Viceroy Of The Federated Colony Battlefleet (insert Hallelujah here)
(hug me if you like this updated version)

Forty-eight drone fighters glided like blue stars across a black sky in the light of the liquid fire of the burning enemy ships. The arrow formation shone a faint light over the Colonist huts and telecom towers as the city’s energy shields rose again into a transparent dome. A torn dying rebel ship took its final shot, one the drones could not stop. The laser burst impacted the shield with a hollow gbuhmmp as its surface rippled over Fort Praetorius, one of the great Colonist city-starships.

Hearing no more explosions, thousands of hiding humans peeked out of the armored bunkers. Seeing no new destruction, they slowly crawled out, faces blackened by ash from their burnt homes and skin charred from drips of leaked plasma. A spider-like Colossus drone walked over the destroyed homes, firing lasers to meld walls and bridges back together. The central energy core of the Colossus glowed as the legs of pure energy pulled the massive chemical compound orb through the streets.

Several metal spheres were launched from a carrier flying overhead. The spheres unfolded into soldier drones just before they touched the ground, and then marched about and began dispensing medical kits and food. John Mermorro and his parents began checking how much damage their home had taken, which was luckily next to nothing. The old mansion had been owned by the previous captain of the colony ship, but was sold to the Mermorro family just before John was born. Being eleven, he had recently graduated from the Standard Knowledge Academy, and would soon specialize in whichever subject he wanted; he was leaning towards “The Study Of Ships And Strategies Relating To Them.”

During that day’s skirmish, his family had been given access to the drone fighter controls—and due to John’s skill, his family was able to use their fighter energy to reactivate the shield generators. While their home had survived the worst of the attack, the rest of Fort Praetorius was a brutal mess, and it would take quite a chunk out of the vessel’s supplies to fix the holes in the hull.

Within a month, Fort Praetorius was again spaceworthy. It continued on its original path towards the last heavily enforced Colonist system and its command center, the Aerro High Council City—which would provide safe haven at last. As the wounded yet beautiful golden ship continued jumping from starsystem to starsystem, the Mermorro family continued in their family business of designing new cybernetic warriors and ships. John was working with his father on a new drone fighter, temporarily codenamed PEAC (Photon Energy Acceleration Cannon). Its many floating pylons and computation systems orbited a central energy core, which was using its many video sensors to follow John as he walked from the entrance of the workshop to his workstation and sat down. Behind him, the PEAC floated above a stone platform that had seen the works of countless generations of engineers and scientists. Piles of creations that John and his father had made reached the ceiling twenty feet above, papers and tools lay scattered on the workstations, and many prototypes hobbled or whizzed around John and his father.

After adding some finishing touches to the PEAC drone fighter, his father turned around, holding a small standard issue COM (communication and optical module) core, which would allow remote control of the fighter. As he was about to place it into the energy core, John spun around from the computer terminal on his station and yelled, “Pop! That communication core is NOT going to work!” John calmed down a little bit as his father put down the crude COM core. “Look, I built one myself, and I tested it using that energy core. It works much better than that piece of junk they call an ‘efficient’ core, and if the Technology Board wants us to make more, I know how to build them quickly.”
“Son-”
“NO. We will use my com core, NOT the standard.”
“John, you don’t-”
“DAD!”
“Fine.”
John’s father put down the standard core with a long sigh, took the “better” core, and placed it in. John had outfitted the new core with a speaker and a slight personality, so when the core activated, the PEAC cried out, “Hooray! Thank you, um… things! Long live the Praetorius Colony!”
The PEAC gained agreement from the prototypes around the room, all cheering “Long live the Praetorius Colony! For honor, for light, FOR THE COLONIAL NATION!”
The sound echoed around the room, and somehow passed through the doorlock, echoing loudly. Several of the colleagues of John’s father opened the doorlock and peered in, their eyes widening at the crowd of cybernetic constructs cheering their own honor cry.
John smiled, and said, “See, Dad?”
“Yes, son. Whatever you say.”
“Dad… no sarcasm, please.”

 

it still sounds a little dull.

 

i like the style of writing it was originally. my mind is based off of creativity spawning from originality of others, so i like to read what he writes, then fill in the blanks with my own thoughts. i dislike books that spoon feed me a second life... at least, i hate reading books like that all the time.

however, this does not mean the previous ideas/insults/helpful posts dont have a basis for their existence: it does not follow the normal writing pattern that dominates literature and forces one in to an almost gluttonous state while reading.

 

Its true that the older version was good in its own ways. The newer version allows one to see the story as it happens, albeit it DOES force feed it to you(remember that this is a draft), but I should remind you that Factory Planet 'Zerkrydos Ancient And Keeper Of The Old Times(ZAAKOTOT) ' is telling the entire story once again to prevent a civil war between the Federated Colonial Fleet and the Colony Ships. Nothing even close to what it should be (a novel that not only teaches what a probable future will be like, but also is about halfway there.

Before I forget this next section, I will write it down now to prevent me from feeling overly confused.

The Dimension Next Door

Terrentiarius walked down one of the blue-grey corridors of the Neutral Integrated Traders station. He had to prevent the anger between the Colonists and the FCF. After turning to the right and down a corridor flanked by hired guards. All of them stared wide-eyed and gaping, some even began to finger the trigger of their antimatter rifles, as the robed figure hobbled slowly down the red carpet that had been laid out for this occasion. The silk clothing he wore blended well with his face and shape, and Terrentiarius thanked the Ancestral Lyghtians that the Viceroy of the ES had demanded that his people stand by the Colonists in this time of darkness. After reaching the end of the final passageway, the wall split open to reveal the Council Arena which had been made for the purpose of ending these kind of disputes. Podium after podium was arranged in a vortex- like formation around the central platform. The podiums floated using magnetic repulsion systems, and bobbed up and down like a buoy in water.

When Terrentiarius first entered, the entire room was full of shouting and anger. Then they heard the sound of his staff tapping on the steps up to the central platform, and they fell silent instantly. After reaching the platform, he then coughed and began to speak in his ever-calming voice.
"May the first representative of the Federated 'Colonial' Fleet please present his case?"
All of the FCF members who were there realized that the Federated forces had never even seen a Colonist until the Terra-Aios discovery. But the first spokesman stood strong and began his speech. "When the Colonists passed a law that required all ships larger than a shuttle had to have shield generation systems about four years ago, we were extremely unsure who this applied to, and we thus took action."
Then a young human in a Federated Fleet pilot suit ran in, followed by hundreds more. Then the first of the humans said, "All Colonists aboard this space station are now under arrest!"

Several Gladiators and Shock Troopers decloaked and surrounded the pilots, their greater size and extreme quality making up for the large numbers of riflemen who now stood with their weapons raised. The riflemen fired first, their microscopic antimatter rounds causing small explosions upon the shields of the cybernetic warriors. Then the Colonist defenders opened fire, their plasma guns splashing the burning blue material upon the humans. Screams from the Colonists were heard, but the spokesman then said, "Since you are all under arrest, no one will be available to represent the Colonies Of The Lyght. Thus, we win this case."
Suddenly a cybernetic voice boomed out over the din. The Neutral Integrated Traders station was no longer in orbit for no explicable reason, and now the entirety of the station rumbled and vibrated. Then the voice cleared into a audible language, and so all of the living beings in the room heard what was said by the unseen voice.

"You have arrested a group of people. You think you win, but there are still nearly four-hundred and eighty quadrillion representatives left for you to arrest. The first in that list asks you a question now: Is it possible to arrest a planet?"

There was silence for the next few moments.