VAMPIRES FUNNY QUOTES ENJOY The following are taken from The Vampire Joke Book by Gordon Hill, 1991: Foulsham and Co. Ltd What's red, packed with strawberries, and bites people in the neck? - a Jampire! Why did Dracula drive on the motorway? - Someone told him it was a main artery! What's Dracula's Favourite soup? - Scream of Tomato! How do you join the Dracula fan club? - Send your name, address, and a blood sample. Mummy, mummy...what's a vampire? - Be quiet and drink your blood before it clots. Why did Dracula go to the dentist? - Fang Decay Why did Dracula telephone the undertaker? - To ask for a take-away meal What do you call a duck with fangs? - Quackula! Why is Dracula boring? - Because he's a pain in the neck What does Dracula call a coffin? - A snuff box What do you get if you cross a vampire and a midget? - A vampire that bites you in the kneecaps What's a vampire's favourite kind of dog? - A Bloodhound! Patient: I keep seeing vampires with fangs dripping blood. Doctor: Have you seen a psychiatrist? Patient: No, just vampires. What's Dracula's Favourite Song? - Fangs for the Memory Why was Dracula so unlucky in love? - He always loved in vein What is Dracula's Favourite breakfast? - Ready-Neck How would a vampire manage with only one fang? - He'd just have to grin and bare it What do you call the referee in a Transylvanian cricket match? - A Vumpire How did Dracula fall in love with his wife? - It was love at first bite What do Dracula's children play? - Bat's cradle What do you call a foolish old vampire? - Silly old Sucker What does Dracula have halfway through the morning? - A coffin Break What's a vampire's favourite animal? - A giraffe What's a vampire's favourite dance? - The Vaults Why are vampires easily fooled? - Because they are born suckers Why has the most dangerous job in Transylvania? - Dracula's dentist What's pink, has a curly tail, and sucks blood? - a hampire! What do you get if you cross a sheep with a vampire? - Drac-ewe-la What's a Spanish vampire's favourite dance? - The fangdango What is Dracula's favourite drink? - A Bloody Mary What's a vampire's favourite game? - Batminton What do vampires cross the sea in? - Blood vessels What sort of club would Dracula join? - A blood group What has fangs and drinks from the wrong side of the glass? - a vampire with hiccups Would you rather Dracula attacked you, or King Kong? - I'd rather Dracula attacked King Kong What do you call a stupid vampire? - A silly clot What is a vampire's favourite dessert? - I scream Why is a vampire a good person to take out for meals? - Because he eats necks to nothing Why did Dracula become a vegetarian? - He couldn't bear stakes Why did the vampire become an actor? - He wanted a part he could sink his teeth into How does Dracula like his meat? - In grave-y What is Dracula's favourite fruit? - A Blood orange What do you call a vampire duck? - Count Duckula Where does Dracula get all his jokes? - From a crypt writer Why is Dracula's family crazy? - They're all bats Where is Dracula's American office? - The Vampire State Building Why did the vampire fall in love with his neighbour? - Because she was the ghoul necks door What do you call a short vampire? - A pain in the knee What do polite vampires say? - Fang you very much What invitation did Dracula give his girlfriend? - Let's go out for a bite The following are taken from The Complete Book of Vampires by Leonard RN Ashley, 1998: Barricade books intnl. What's Count Dracula's Favourite holiday? -Fangsgiving! Where did they put the vampire when he was arrested? -In a Red blood cell! What does Dracula say when he's ready for another victim? -Necks! What did the vampire rob? -A blood bank! What is Dracula's State of mind? - He's batty! Why can't Dracula sleep at nights? -His work is draining!
