The Colonial Wars- A Novel In The Making

Discussion in 'The Arts' started by Skyblades, Mar 24, 2008.

The Colonial Wars- A Novel In The Making

Discussion in 'The Arts' started by Skyblades, Mar 24, 2008.

  1. Skyblades

    Skyblades New Member

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    Hi, everyone.

    I'm writing a sci-fi novel loosely related to Starcraft. I was wondering if I could post snippets of it and get your ideas. Yes? Great!

    Part Two: The Beginning Of Pain

    The ancient factory planet sighed and stopped the story when one of his cybernetic students raised its hand.

    "Yes?"

    "Teacher And Creator, I was wondering how the Colonists made their way here, into the empty space of this wormhole?"

    The planet raised its classroom face up from the ground. The metallic fixtures and plating was arranged so that it appeared like an old historian. This factory planet was a historian. It remembered it all. Everything that happened before its birth and after, it knew of. Once it happened, it knew every event.

    "You ask a hard question. Selenias, you remember the warpspace incident?"

    Selenias stood up, bowed before the great historian, and walked along the nearly endless lines of robot soldiers, all watching intently and with great interest. The machine reached the end of the room, and began reciting.

    "When the now dead Colonists had been alive, their cities had the ability to use an engine called a warp panel. Their fleets were all equipped with it, and so they began jumping throughout the galaxy. Then, when every ship and factory planet was on an escape jump through a wormhole, the engines stopped in the wrong way. They were stuck in the wormhole, with no way out. Only this factory remains, only because it knew of the power in words. It taught us everything it knows."

    The planet rumbled with pride, and spoke, "Wonderful, Selenias! But I have been teaching you out of order. Let us go to the beginning of the story-- where it all started. Life changed on a small Colony Ship, on its way to a new home on its sublight engines..............








    Thats where the beginning of the story starts in its entirety.


    Bonus 400 minerals for a great post
     
  2. EatMeReturns

    EatMeReturns Happy Mapper Moderator

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    another example of your great writing. it makes me want to... nvm, i cant talk like dat on these forums.

    anywho, i cant wait to hear more! im still a little in the dark, because im sure this isn't the whole introduction.
     
  3. Skyblades

    Skyblades New Member

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    You are correct. That was the last part of the introduction. Actually, i'm going to /copy from my document, and /paste it here. I spent weeks writing it.



    Forty-eight drone fighters sped over the Colonist huts and telecom towers as the city’s energy shields rose up. A huge laser burst impacted with a tiny bumping noise as the familiar blue dome solidified over Fort Praetorius, one of the great Colonist city-starships. The thousands of humans hiding inside the armored bunkers crawled out, grime from the explosions all over their faces. A spider-like Colossus drone walked over the destroyed homes, firing lasers to meld walls and bridges back together. Several spheres were launched from a carrier, and unfolded into soldier drones that marched about and began dispensing medical kits and food, as John and his family began rebuilding their home. The old mansion had been owned by the previous captain of the colony ship, but was then sold to the Mermorro family just before John was born. Being eleven, he had recently graduated from the Standard Knowledge Academy, and would move on to whichever subject he wanted. During the fight, his family had been given access to the drone fighter controls, and due to John’s skill with a fighter; his family was able to use their fighter energy to reactivate the shield generators.
    Within a month, the damage from the overwhelming attack by the Rebel forces had been repaired. Fort Praetorius continued on its path towards Aerro, a heavily enforced Colonist system. The Mermorro family continued in their family business of designing new cybernetic warriors and ships. John was working with his father on a new drone fighter, temporarily codenamed PEAC (Photon Energy Acceleration Cannon). Its many floating pylons and computation systems orbited the central energy core, which was using its many video sensors to follow John. His father turned around, holding a small communication core. As he was about to place it into the energy, John flipped around from the computer terminal and said, “Pop! That communication core is NOT going to work! Look, I built one myself, and I tested it using that energy core. It works much better, and I know how to build each COM core quickly.â€
    “Son-â€
    “NO. We will use my com core, NOT the standard.â€
    “John, you don’t-â€
    “DAD!â€
    “Fine.â€
    John’s father put down the standard core, took the supposedly better core, and placed it in. The new core turned out to have a speaker, and the energy seemed to have a slight personality. It cried out, “Hooray! Thank you, um… things! For the Colony!â€
    John smiled, and said, “See, Dad?â€
    “Yes, son. Whatever you say.â€
    “Dad… no sarcasm, please.â€

    -----Next..... this part needs to be de-dungified a bit----------
    The next morning, John went out to the Playgrounds, a large recreational area which contained the 1000 foot long Nebulus Null-Gravity Slide. Only those ten years and older could ride it, but John had never gotten a chance to ride until now. He climbed up the steps to the elevator, and the golden metal doors and shields lowered. John entered, and the doors closed over him. The blue translucent shield reactivated, and the lift shot up to the slides start. A bearded man, standing next to the glass tube of the slide, smiled and opened the hatch. “Go on in, kid. Perfectly safe,†he said. John nodded, and he hopped in, feet first. Suddenly he found that he was unable to lie on the bottom of the tube, and that an air current was keeping him from falling. The man pulled down a lever, and a horn blew. Suddenly, a burst of plasma energy wrapped around him, and the air current threw him forward. The sudden increase of speed forced the sides of his mouth to move back, and after hundreds of loops and turns, he was thrust into an even bigger tube, possibly the width being the same distance as the height of the Colossus drones that marched about the city.
    Large numbers of other kids immersed in plasma fields flew around him, bumping into each other as they laughed and yelled. John easily piloted himself through the currents, arranging his plasma wrappings so that he was in a winged cone. Child after child attempted to bump him off course, and instead got bumped away, since none of them thought to solidify their orb. John reached the landing area, and the slowing systems right around the end of the tube allowed him to again rearrange his shield into a solid pogo stick. He passed through the slowing fields, and the pogo stick allowed him to bounce around as other children found that their liquid-like plasma had become goo, and that it liked sticking to skin and clothing. John bounced over them, as they saw his invention had kept the plasma from falling apart. As he bounced over them, he used a plasma cup to gather up the goo that was still in the air, and knew he had discovered something new.
    John took the discovery home, and within seconds, discovered that the goo would turn metals and skin into more metal if it had an electric charge. He then tested it in a patch of dead plants, and the plants immediately sprung into life as if nothing had ever happened. John knew he had found something.
    ---------Now Ill patch in a bigger chunk, after formatting it a bit...there we go------------
    Twelve Years Later

    John Vergorus Mermorro, newly appointed Fleet Admiral of the Aerro Battle Fleet, stared out at the arrangement of defense platforms and city ships from the wide window of the Dervasikvar, a recently constructed supercity. The Dervasikvar, along with five other supercities, were going to set out and attack the home world of the Yyumogian Syndicate, once known as the Rebels.
    Both the Colonial Nation and the Syndicate had begun on that simple planet. Rich with resources, the planet was large and spacious, but the Colony had advanced so fast that the Syndicate refused to ally and join in the exploration of the stars. Instead, they rushed to develop as many small rocket powered fighters as they could, and they designed a powerful and destructive residential ship/battleship. Shaped like a cone, it dug into the ground for oil and metals, could quickly construct new versions around itself, and grow taller. The Colonists, disturbed by the sudden attack by the Rebels, immediately warped all of their people, resources, and flying cities out far away from this new enemy, and began colonizing new worlds in their environmentally friendly ways. The Rebels chased after their enemy, and also began decimating the life on the planets nearby by building more of the city-cones.
    Only now had the Colonial Nation felt that they were prepared enough to go home and bring life back to their old home. Nearly infinite numbers of willing people had aided the Colony in preparing all sorts of dead plants and animals, and even massive amounts of water. The supercities had been armed with thousands of cannons, all loaded with the Admiral’s new weapon.

    John turned around to the many drones and people standing at the ready, and said, “Okay, people! You’ve been trained for months on end for this mission, and DO WE PLAN TO LOSE?â€
    The personnel replied at the top of their voices, “SIR, NO SIR!â€
    “Good. Get the whole fleet ready for warp. Lets try a multi-directional warp, so the Syndicate won’t know where we came from. MOVE!â€
    All of his force immediately rushed to their control panels, and began tapping away at the keypads. John picked up a radio headset, put it over his ears, and said into the microphone, “It’s time, my friends. Launch.â€

    Outside the Dervasikvar, all of the ships began opening outwards, and began spinning. As the ships sped up, they began turning into energy and dissolving. Within seconds, the whole fleet had literally vanished into thin air. Or space, rather.

    At the ancient homeworld of Dayerinosk, a young, brave, but thoughtless Syndicate captain led his defense ship out of the atmosphere, and began proceeding out to the edge of the planetary system. One of his sensor controllers said, “Sah! Unknown vector disturbance forming! Appears to be a ship!â€
    The captain spoke to his crew, “What ever it is, we are going to attack it!â€
    Just as the little ship came within a hundred kilometers of the Colonial battlefleet, the Dervasikvar solidified, and the energy, sonic, magnetic, and kinetic wave generated by the warp sent the ship reeling about. It exploded upon contact with a soldier drone, even though it was bigger than the drone. The captain happened to be in a space suit at the time, and he yelled as he flew away, “I shall attack iiiittt!†The Dervasikvar then led its fleet out to Dayerinosk. According to the scouts, Dayerinosk was entirely covered with city cones. Every so often one would launch out to take a new planet, or merely to sit in orbit as a defense unit. Hundreds upon thousands of cubes covered in cannons sat in orbit, waiting to fire upon enemies, as battlecruisers and blockade-runners went on patrol. The new weapon John had designed would counter these measures; his plasma cannons would turn entire fleets of blockade-runners into melted hunks of metal. John had spent weeks reading the data his cloaked scouts had gathered, and so he knew that this moment would be when the Syndicate would have more than twelve billion battleships in the system. Even with the plasma cannons, John’s fleet would have to work hard to defeat the enemy here. If he won, the Syndicate would be left devastated and weak, since the massive amount of ships ready in Dayerinosk were there only because they were supposed to leave in a week for Aerro. If that fleet managed to reach Aerro, the whole Colonial Nation would need years to regather their forces.

    John knew what he had to do, and he planned to take all risks.

    On Dayerinosk, in the only patch of grass left on the entire planet, a wedding was in place. One of the magistrate’s sons was marrying the daughter of the Prime Warlord, and so the entire planet’s television systems were focused on this event.
    “Bob Baker Merriham, do you take Cornelia Dahelia Verham to be your wife?â€
    “I do.â€
    Cornelia Dahelia Verham, do you take Bob to be your-“
    “OH MY GOD!â€
    Just at that moment, hundreds of gigantic Colonial Gladiators landed around the patch of grass, their golden armor glowing in the light of the streetlamps, and their energy shields grew into life as they lifted up their huge plasma rifles. Cornelia and Bob screamed and ran, but they were scooped up by these invaders and placed into a compartment of the giant machine. A small one-sided window gave the two a view of what was happening. The Gladiator was running along, ripping pieces off the city cones with its hands as it ran through the streets.

    Emperor Merensk watched the carnage as his tanks rolled out towards the landing armies of the Colonists. Somehow, these armies had passed through his defenses without being seen. Only what he saw with his own eyes was true, because one of the giants the Colonists had sent was climbing up a building, but the security cameras saw nothing.

    The Gladiator containing Bob and Cornelia, along with half of the people assembled at the wedding, ran along towards a troop carrier that was landing on a house. Suddenly a force of Syndicate tanks rolled into the way, aiming their cannons at the Gladiator. It said, “Hello. I really must be going. Mind moving a bit?†The tanks reeled out seven shots at the machine, and the missiles merely thumped on its shields and fell to the ground harmlessly. “It seems you do not like me. That’s okay!†the Gladiator said cheerfully as it raised an empty hand. The tanks sat motionless, as if their human drivers were confused. Energy flew out from the giant’s hand, vaporizing the tanks. The Gladiator proceeded onward, and walked into the troop carrier. As the transport took off, the Gladiator yelled, “Bye-bye!†and the Dervasikvar suddenly appeared, looming over the cities and casting endless shadow over half the planet. People began running from their houses in fear of this being the end of the world, and were simply vaporized as liquefied plasma was poured out upon the streets, which began melting the buildings and people, converting all the material into blocks of carbon. Millions of drone fighters were unleashed into space, and Colossi began helicoptering over the rivers of plasma, slicing city cones in half as they hovered.

    The Emperor stared at the catastrophe in fear as his city cone began to escape the atmosphere. Merensk had ordered all of his fighters and cruisers still landed to escort him out to the nearest safe planet, and even then he did not feel better. Agitated, he took several tablets of Advilâ„¢, and turned back to the window. What he saw was a nightmare come true. The end of the Yyumogian Syndicate had come.

    John stared out at the space battlefield, and what he saw was a fair fight. His supercities were firing their plasma batteries, destroying battlecruiser after battlecruiser, and the city cones were putting up a fair fight as the Aerro Attack fleet truly arrived upon Dayerinosk. Nearly infinite numbers of small drone fighters began swarming the Syndicate fleets, but the missile silos on the battleships blew away most of the attack force.

    “Admiral! More enemy ships have arrived! Request permission to begin Operation MotherFleet!â€

    Fleet Admiral Mermorro turned to the agitated drone that alerted him. “Cybernetics Intelligence Construct Tertius, you have my permission. Initiate.â€

    The drone nodded, turned to his computer terminal, and spoke into a microphone.

    Throughout the halls and cities within the Dervasikvar, the drones voice echoed, “All personnel begin initiating Operation MotherFleet.†Upon hearing this, the hundreds of human and machine soldiers began increasing the power in the supercity. Outside, the energy-irradiated warp panels began to create huge, swirling patterns of blue and purple. The enemy battleships began firing their lasers and chainguns, all of which impacted against the hardened shields of the Colony Ships. Slowly, the blue energy began to gather into a disk, increasing in power. The energies solidified on the edges into golden generators and shield chargers, but the Colony Fleet could not spare any energy to recharge their own shields, and so thus many of the Colony Ships began exploding.

    The Emperor smiled as the invader was being defeated. Distracted by building some useless piece of junk, he began eliminating the weaker ships, and destroying the clouds of flying robots the Colonies called soldiers. Using his new gravity generators, he was able to pull thirty other Syndicate planets into strategic positions in front of the Colonial disc. To his surprise, the disc began launching out millions of smaller versions of its colossal self. The Emperor picked up a megaphone, and spoke, “All nuke launchers fire on my mark! Ten…†He paused as hundreds of ships and city-cones began opening their silos. “Nine…Eight…Seven…Six…Five…Four…Three…Two…â€

    Just as he said “Two,†the disks began throwing out infinite numbers of supercities and Colony Ships. The Emperor dropped his champagne onto his wife’s head in surprise, and she ran out of the room, saying, “I’m getting a divorce! Why, O Great One, why?â€

    “Fire everything we have! Lasers, turboshells, nukes, missiles, the whole thing!†the Emperor yelled out. In response, his entire fleet of planets, cities, warships, and fighters began reeling out more weaponry than they ever had in their entire history of existence.

    Fleet Admiral Mermorro knew that his mission was a success. Then he saw that the uncountable numbers of enemies were using everything in their arsenal. Chuckling, he ordered his ships to charge their shields and prepare their fighters and soldiers to launch on his command.

    The waves of weaponry began closing in on the fleet of cities. People stared at the video screens that hung on buildings and hangars. All of them had no idea what the Syndicate was thinking, what with the Colonial Supreme Capital Ship on its way to this system. The Supreme Capital was the largest and most destructive thing to exist. With infinitely powerful shields and a preconstructed Warp Gate, it was not only ever-growing in size and power, it was also powerful because the Bringers of Light had sacrificed their lives in order to construct it. With the energy that had been remaining after the Capitals birth, the Colonists recreated Terrentiarius, the One of Being. His great intellectual powers allowed him to create life, as he had done on Dayerinosk, which allowed him to modify the Colonial genes to the finest point. When the Syndicate forced the Colonies away, the Bringers built the Capital- and also created the cybernetic warriors who stood to defend the Colonial Expanses.

    The waves of attack rammed against the Fleet, merely causing little pops. The shields of the MotherFleet quickly restabilized. The Dervasikvar fired bursts of carbonizing plasma upon the lines of approaching battleships. Several were hit and began falling down to the metallic solidified surface of Dayerinosk. Most of the super cities still floated over the surface of the doomed planet, disintegrating any survivors of the attack. Water was poured out onto the carbon, and dirt followed after it. Seeds and dead creatures were thrown out, thudding on the ground everywhere. Power generators began lowering down on fuel tubes, locking onto the ground with spiked legs.

    The Admiral pressed a key command on his control panel, activating the life giving energies radiated by a Light Bringer Reactor inside his supercity. Still firing the plasma gel onto the planet, the huge domelike construct opened a huge hole in the underside. The ship shook for a moment, and then it began firing energies unknown to the Syndicate.

    As many of the colony ships began falling down to the planet, having lost support beams and engines to the waves of lasers and missiles, the Emperor laughed as his fleets began converging on the enemy. He knew that now he had the advantage, he would never have another chance to win. Locking his capital ship onto one of the planets, he forced the cities to rearrange into one of his new designs: a planet ship. Relying on the power of the planet’s core, it fired huge Acceleration Cannons and its nuclear explosive launchers.

    John smiled as the electrical energy from the generators activated the plasma gel. The planet began glowing a soft blue, and the seeds began sliding into the ground and growing. Animals that had been dead thousands of years grew flesh and bones again, opening their eyes and crawling back up. Staring at their new world, they set to work on living a new life yet again. Trees sprouted and took form instantly, and the creatures that had long gone extinct began rising back out of the ground. The energy radiated so much that hundreds of falling ships bounced off of the radiation and were blown up by the newly living Bringers of Light, who stared in admiration at the huge ships flying around them.

    Thats all for now.
     
  4. EatMeReturns

    EatMeReturns Happy Mapper Moderator

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    well, my first thought after reading that is confusion, my second thought is how well it read, and my third thought is that i noticed it seemed like a chess game between the Admiral and the Emperor, and that the Admiral nearly sacrificed his Queen for the checkmate. Despite the confusion, in my mind i had pictured swarms of human-piloted fighters assuming gigantic formations and basically passing through swarms of the enemy, causing devestation within the patterns, the whole time they flow within and throughout, weaving and swerving to maintain the formation.

    i saw mechanical drone fighters devotedly following every computer-generated command, including sacrificing their own mechanical existence to blow up a giant opposing cruiser.

    i saw a mothership-like behemoth hovering over the face of a planet, decimating all within its reach with the metal-turning plasma compound.

    i saw genesis take place on a planet once covered with the humanized constructs of the Syndicate.


    and yet, i'm still not entirely sure what i read, because the size of all the ships wasn't proportioned at all except that i know the large attacking behemoth shadows half a planet.


    EXCELLENT work.
     
  5. Skyblades

    Skyblades New Member

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    Thanks. I'm still doing some editing, but the next few sections should be (*hack* *cough*) better.

    Meanwhile, a black hole coated with plasma energy began opening above the battlefield. Tendrils of blue light began twirling out, as the Colonial Supreme Capital Ship exited warp and closed the black hole. Firing energy torpedoes and plasma chainguns, it demolished rows of approaching battleships. Following it were millions of the newest Colonial battle designs: Warp Core Battleships. Made of organic material, it was capable of repairing damage to its systems in seconds, and also had a warp core strong enough to pull troops from hangar bays in colony ships through spatial distortions out to battle.



    The Emperor saw this happen as his ships were reduced to helpless waste around him. His wife came back in saying, “Um.. Why are we being blown up?â€
    He turned around, his face full of anger. “GET OUT OF HERE!â€
    “But, O Great One, just tell me-â€
    “NO! GET OUT!â€
    She turned around again and ran out screaming. She immediately impacted into a pan hanging on a hook, and was knocked out.
    The Emperor shook his head at the stupidity of the woman. Someday I’ll get a more intelligent person to live with. If he lived.

    On board the Supreme Capital, Terrentiarius sat in the command seat, controlling the ships progress through the system. Using his energies, he brought the other Bringers of Light to him. They realized where they were, and sat in the other seats prepared for them.

    “Friends, there comes a time when we must somehow return to help others again. Through the perseverance of the Colonists, they survived and brought us back to life. Instead of coming back to aid them as new beings, we come back as we were. Let us begin our mission.â€
    “Terrentiarius, I agree, but there could be some difficulties, since that large planet covered in conical cities and a few battleships is attempting to escape.â€
    “We shall follow it.â€
    The Supreme Capital turned and moved toward the planet. Terrentiarius initiated a hyperhack into the database of the planet, and took over the communications of the place.





    As the Syndicate Planet Ship moved at top speed, every phone, television, com screen, and computer terminal broadcasted an image of a huge alien figure with white eyes that glowed with anger and yet also seemed to have a background of good and peace about them. The being began to speak in a voice that sounded like doom and pain, and still had a backdrop of good. “Humans of the Yyumogian Syndicate, I am Terrentiarius, God of the Bringers of Light, the One of Being. My people lost their home and hope when you banished them. Now, we are here to return the favor. You forced us away from home, and so in return we shall do the same. Once you understand what it is like to never see home again, you can return and I will judge you. Any last words?â€

    The Emperor stared in anguish. How could this happen? He didn’t like this. Banging a fist on his chair, he yelled at the screen, “As Emperor of the Syndicate, I demand that you back away and leave me alone! If you do not we will fire upon you! I am Emperor! You are less than-â€

    “Fool. You lead a nation, and you expect that your power will exceed those of your creators. We created you from a pile of genes, and this is how you thank us. We should have only made the Colonists.â€

    The Emperor banged his fists and wailed as the looming ship of doom approached. The massive gravity from the Capital pulled his ship into a docking station, and then something happened.


    A huge cube formed in space, eventually shrinking until the cube was extremely tiny. Then the cube exploded, turning itself into a spiky ship armed with many cannons.

    Alarms shrieked all over every Colonist ship as the ancient Database Of Knowledge And Genetics activated on its own, recognizing the ship from a species last seen seven trillion years ago.

    The Dimensional Dominion had returned from their hidden realm, prepared with one of their invincible ships. Invincible to a degree, because the Bringers of Light had managed to take down all of the previous ones in the War of The Thousand Millenniums, but lost most of their population. That was why the Colonists were born. Because of a slight gene modification, the Bringers had designed a new weapon that had a great cost.


    The Capital fired hundreds of laser batteries and plasma cannons at the ship, sending the craft spinning, but otherwise in perfect condition. The ship began returning fire, just as more cubes began forming and releasing more of the Dominion squadrons.

    Then Terrentiarius decided it was time to use one of his backup weapons, well known by the Bringer scientists as the Purifier. He ran down hallways and through in-ship portals, until he reached his lab. Opening it with his palm, he walked in and searched through the knick-knacks he had made over the generations until he found the huge cannon underneath a Version III Cybernetic Gladiator. Smiling, he picked up the cannon, reactivated the secret warrior, and it followed him back through the hallways. The Gladiator said after downloading the information of the current events, “So the Dominion is back, sir?â€
    Terrentiarius turned his head towards the robot as they ran. “Sadly, yes.†He said. They reached the command room, and he saw chaos. His scientists were at the controls of the ship, getting it away from the carnage of battle. Millions of soldier drones flew around, blasting every inch of the enemy cruisers. Gladiators began using giant hammers and energy shields to crush the ships or get a ‘home run’. Drone fighters fired huge EMP bombs at groups of Dominion ships, and then one of the hatches of the ships opened. Out came a Dominion Warrior, just before an army of cubes formed and released more Warriors. These creatures were the same height as a human, but they were like flying octopi. Swarms of them flew about as the Emperor’s flagship escaped, activating its afterburners and left the system.

    Terrentiarius immediately took control of his Capital Ship, directing it back to the fleet of Colony Ships. “All ships release your armies to attack the enemy and then warp for Aerro,†he said into his radio headset. “As you wish, O One of Being,†the reply came. His fleet launched huge streams of Gladiators, drone soldiers, Colossi, and fighters at the Dominion, and then activated their warp panels. In a minute, the fleet of Colonial ships had left the system, leaving the Dominion with a huge army of robots to deal with, and the Syndicate.












    Section Two Part One



    In the remote system of Sol, a group of unevolved humans had managed to scrap together a life from the remains of their home. Their numbers were in the trillions, and they were constantly attacked by a group that called itself the United States of Earth. The survivors were mostly British and Chinese, and they worked together to build a strong underground base. Over time, they discovered an ancient item of mass power- that was controlled by a machine never seen before by any human. Sadly, the instructions were in another language.



    The damaged Colony Ship had lost control of its warp functions, and so it exited the dangerous ride billions of miles away, and without an engine to get home on. Suddenly the crash shields gave out, and the craft fell onto a pile of trash and metals. Opening a hatch of their ship, several Gladiators began marching out, forming a circle around their transport. The soldiers of Colony Ship Deltanius were a nasty bunch, for they were the most skilled and intelligent of the cybernetic machines of war. They were very unhappy that their ships warp core gave out; their eyes darted about, longing for an enemy to come near.

    A squadron of Cyber Gladiator Shock Troopers searched through the wastelands of junk along with a human commander, named Jerarvik. He wore heavy armor and had energy crystals orbiting him. The battlesuit he wore made him half as tall as the Shock Troopers towering above.
    Jerarvik motioned to his troops as they rounded a corner. When they reached a large clearing, they discovered that hundreds of human soldiers were waving machineguns at them and screaming “They’re from the States! Kill them! Kill them!†Jerarvik turned to one of his soldiers with a quizzical expression on his face. The robot shrugged and turned one of its arms into a plasma cannon. Jerarvik turned back to the other humans, and took a step forward. All of the soldiers aimed their guns at him. Since he was about twice their height in his battlesuit, Jerarvik kneeled down and smiled at the captain of the forces. “Hello, friend. We have traveled through space, and our ship has crashed. We need supplies to-â€
    The captain screeched, “LIES! You are from the States. Only the States could afford such weapons.â€
    Jerarvik chuckled, and rose back up into a standing position. He motioned for one of the machines to move forward. He turned back to the soldiers, and said, “This is the Colonial Shock Trooper. It is a machine of great power, but also of great intelligence. These machines are covered with energy shield, which can-â€

    The captain yelled back, “LIAR! Energy shields are a myth! Nothing can produce an energy shield!â€

    One of the drones began laughing. It stepped up beside Jerarvik, and said, “You think energy shields aren’t real? Go ahead; fire your weapons at me. Go on, take a shot.â€

    The captain laughed and said, “You think this will prove you’re not from the States? Don’t bet on it.†His soldiers raised their rifles and opened fire. The bullets were stopped by an orb of blue energy, bouncing off the shield and rolling around. Then the bullets melted on the ground.

    The captain frowned, and he motioned for his men to stop firing. He then took out a handheld laser, which had enough focus and power to last for quite a while. He aimed it at the drone, and fired a beam of red light at the strange creature. The blast was stopped by the shield, and the drone began chuckling. Jerarvik then asked the captain, “By the way, what are the States? Also, why do you want to kill them?â€

    The soldiers stood there, stunned. One half of them realized who these strangers could be and ran away yelling “Aliens!†The captain replied, “You think we’re stupid? How do you know that we’ll believe you?†Jerarvik then said, “Generally, when a Colonial Colony Ship reaches a planet with sentient life on it, they are able to bring them over to our side. All of the species we have found are either human or a survivor from the Bringers of Light. Our ship was moving along with the fleet to another system, and our warp panels gave out due to damage from a space battle. Due to the malfunction, our path was heavily altered, and we exited warpspace here, twelve billion miles from home and nowhere near enough supplies to repair our ship. Plus, we had most of our population on board another ship. You can talk to our commander, though.â€

    The captain considered this, agreed, and warned, “If you dare to harm us, then we can tell the rest of our nation that you are an enemy. That will mean you can’t get this nonexistent starship of yours to any other country, and the States will take you down any time they want.â€

    When the odd party of Earth humans and Colonial scouts returned to the ship, they saw that things were not as bad as they seemed. Three other ships had also been heavily damaged, and it was all they could do to get their ships here and land around the Colony Ship. The captain stared with astonished eyes at the energy shields and golden frame of the massive ship. Once they had reached a side of the ship, a panel moved aside and showed a swirling field of energy. The drones walked through it, and several human Colonist scientists ran out to begin checking for minerals or useful supplies in the junk.

    The captain and the soldiers he had chosen to take with him entered the starship first, followed by Jerarvik. He said to one of his men, “Denever, put down your weapon, and stop aiming it at people.†Denever put away his submachine rifle and apologized. When they began looking ahead of themselves, they saw the expanse of the city inside the ship. A huge temple sat in the center of the ship, surrounded by hundreds of amazing buildings. Extra space was created through large floating floors, and a large patch of farmland lay near the temple. Crystals orbited a sphere of energy above the temple, and several thousand people ran about making repairs to the weapons and machines. Millions of metal spheres lay in racks along the walls of buildings and the town centre. The Colonial citizens stopped around the incoming group, and several Gladiators marched by.

    The captain was brought before the commander of the Colony Ship, who was a rare species of alien, which Jerarvik described as one of the noble Lizarrak. This humanoid was much like what the Earth Survivors called a dragon, except this one was in golden armor and had a crown of crystals floating over his head.

    The commander quickly conversed with Jerarvik in a foreign language, and then turned back to the humans who were brought before him. “Captain Reggo Dervish, 4th Platoon, Patrol Forces, you have discovered this ship and its inhabitants. By allowing you into one of our sacred Colony Ships, you are automatically given neutral passage through this ship. If you accept an alliance with us, we will commit an army of cybernetic warriors to your campaign against these ‘States’.â€
    Regg nodded. “I accept this offer, and pledge the aid of my people to this effort.â€
    The commander smiled, and then said, “Jerarvik, raise shields to maximum power and charge all pylon generators.†Jerarvik nodded and ran to a control panel. He gripped a lever with both hands and began to lift the lever up. A low humming and rumbling began throughout the ship, and battle alarms began sounding off.



    General Bombosa had discovered aliens- he was going to kill them. He had arranged his forces around the ship, and began firing his tanks and rocket launchers at the craft. Suddenly, the tank shells and rockets were deflected by a transparent field, which blocked his rifle fire and even grenades. His USE (United States of Earth) troops gave everything they had at this field, and it showed no sign of weakening. After radioing a force of bombers and a large number of jets of this enemy location, he noticed that the ships were sending large people in armor out to attack. Unfortunately for him and his forces, these were Shock Troopers, not living humans without weapons.



    The massive number of air squadrons Bombosa had called up came within firing range of the Colony Ship and its three smaller War Cruisers. After launching several atomic bombs down upon the largest ship, the jets did a loop and turned back around. The bombs they released went off on the shields, causing the field to ripple and restabilize. Just at that moment, a Colonial Federation fleet entered realspace and began bombarding the forward command centers of the USE. Blast after blast decimated the American troops, and their space shuttles were destroyed before they could exit the atmosphere. They returned fire by sending hundreds upon thousands of radio-controlled missiles. Federation ships had no shields; therefore, their ships could not withstand the radioactive energies of atom bombs and nukes, and began falling, burning with the energies of death.

    Onboard the Colony Ship, hundreds of Earth Survivors and their Asian allies were helping finish the repairs of the massive dome-shaped craft. One of the ES Council members leading the repairs began reporting to an elderly-looking cybernetic intelligence construct. It moved around with the grace and flow of life, and led the repairs well. The Council members moved toward him now with good news. “The repairs are done, and all twenty-three trillion ES civilians and personnel are in Colony Ship City Levels One and Two. Three is filled with our weapons and supplies, plus our allies. We are fully stocked and ready to launch.†The machine smiled with its geometrical mouth, showing sharp metal teeth and moving pieces. It replied: “Good. We have one last task before we are done here.†The robot turned back around to a number of soldier drones standing in uniform with energy rifles at the ready. “You four! Get the Encoding and Command Protocol systems online, and wire them to the Pulsar V5. You two! Get our plasma constructors online. This will be the worst day the USE has ever seen.†As the soldiers ran off, a massive number of ES civilians marched up to their Council leaders. They saluted in unison, and the whole group said at the same time, “Permission to tell cybernetic construct of events on date March 22nd of the year 2233, sir!†The High Councilwoman nodded, and one of the citizens went up to the overseer robot nearby. “At the date specified, we had detected--â€
    The machine raised a hand and said, “Were you there at this event?â€
    “No, but Jün’adaros saw the entire event. Jün! Jün! Over here!â€
    A five-year-old child marched up to them, saluted, and was about to speak when the robot put one finger to the child’s forehead. Immediately the machine began copying all the data and knowledge of such an event from the boy’s mind. In a second, the overseer released the child and began acting more agitated. It picked up a microphone, and spoke into it, causing all the speakers to magnify his voice greatly. “The situation on this planet has changed to Code Black. The Dimensional Gate of Aios has been found directly underneath us.†Immediately a group of passing historians stopped, eyes wide open, dropping the scrolls they were carrying. They began running around, screaming happily, knowing that this discovery would go on their résumé. The Dimensional Gate was a legendary artifact, capable of decimating whole star systems, and it could also create whole dimensions. Its one other power was to be able to create a dimensional rift that could instantaneously transport anything to any other place.


    The Deltanius Colony Ship began lifting off the ground, using its warp panels to remove huge mounds of dirt from underneath it. Swarms of drone fighters flew in endless numbers towards many USE bases. American after American was shot down or captured, forcing the troops to retreat in transports. Nuclear accelerators fired blasts at the departing ships carrying the Dimensional Gate, and several magnetic-clamp troop pods attached to the side of a drone transport. Several warp fields opened, swallowed up the Colonials, and closed. The drone transport opened its warp panels, not knowing that there were enemies on board, and jumped after the fleet. In the States, hundreds of shuttles began launching and building space stations. They did not want to be attacked again by the Colonies and be entirely killed. They began raiding the remains of ES bases, taking materials and junk in order to build massive amounts of supplies and ships. Within three decades, the Martial Ruler of the United States of Earth had twelve thousand battle stations and forty thousand armored construction ships. Their moon was covered in missile launchers and sensor towers, waiting with bloodthirst to be able to take the lives of the Colonists.



    (Earth is like, so, communist and evil.)
     
  6. Gasmaskguy

    Gasmaskguy New Member

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    This is awesome, and I don't wanna be a party pooper, but seriously... You shouldn't post weeks of writing on the nets for anybodies taking.
     
  7. Skyblades

    Skyblades New Member

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    That's a good point. I'll stop, but let everyone give me ideas on the parts I put in. I dont want to be a big party pooper either, so I'll just give a Explanatory Document That Tells You What Those Cool Ships Are.


    Edit: Starting....... now.



    The Colossus: Basically it is a version of the Protoss machne, except this time it can use its legs to helicopter above the battlefield, and slice through things.

    Soldier Drone: A cheap but effective soldier, who forms into a sphere that allows it to be dropped from space down onto a planet. Blue eyes, has a fast laser rifle.
     
  8. KuraiKozo

    KuraiKozo New Member

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    Uranus lol =D
    *claps* I'm an author, too. I know what wanting feedback is like, I'm working on the next chapter of a book I post OL [cuz i won't get this one published, i have another series imma do that for] and feedback is always the ebst! Once I have some free time I'll read your books =D
     
  9. Skyblades

    Skyblades New Member

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    Thanks! Thanks!

    Continuing The Explanatory Thingy:

    Supercity: A Massive version of the Mothership, except much more powerful. Has infinite swarms of (Seriously, no enemy has lived long enough to count them) drone fighters flying by.

    Let me just post one little extra part.

    Twenty years had passed since the Colonist homeworld had escaped. The Syndicate had amassed a fleet a thousand times the size of the extremely small battlegroup that had fought the Colonies to protect the Emperor in his escape. Five trillion battlegroups of this size were on their way to their homesystem, followed by the new Planetary Command Fortress prototypes. Their population was cryofrozen in order to reach the mineral-rich planetary giant known as Dayaskivar. This planet had an atmosphere, but no water. By designing a synthesizer out of a dangerous black hole, the Syndicate could not only prevent their new home system from being sucked out of existence, but also have a nearly infinite source of energy. With so much gasoline that every tank was too full, the attack fleet approached the system in which they were born.

    The ships had reached the edge of the system, now unfreezing only the necessary people for the fight. All the crews on the battleships were unfrozen, while on the more massive ships many civilians and soldiers were left in their cryotubes for later. Unmanned craft began changing their course—now they were sending their scouts.

    A drone battleship of weak capabilities trundled along in space, almost all of their crew in the recreation bay singing “Ninety Nine Thousand Energy Canisters On The Wallâ€.

    “You take one down, pass it around-â€

    A thundering boom and a massive vibration caught the crew’s attention. They rushed at warp speed to the gunneries and the command center. Alarms started screaming as more drones were dimensionally constructed in order to help with the sudden danger. More crashes and shakes hit the ship, when finally the crew reached the control room. They found that they were being attacked by swarms of ion engine ships, which used explosive launchers and flew rather fast. A Captain drone took his seat, aiming the main plasma chainguns at the tiny ships. More shakes and thuds hit the ship, before one soldier increased shield power, and then began coding a plan for the fighters in the dimension bays. The soldier arms began tapping the keys at a rapid blur, and the sound of mechanics speeding up increased.

    The fleet watched with glee as their ion craft flew around the cruiser, damaging the shields with their little guns. Suddenly long streams of Colonist space fighters poured out from a small bay, instantly destroying the little ships by absorbing them for energy. The commanders of the Syndicate fleet paused, shocked that their speeding radio controlled ships were eaten by the enemy. After communicating and planning a larger radio fighter wave, a considerable number of radio fighters broke off from the battlegroups, and began firing shots at the approaching Colony fighting forces.



    The machine troops sighed and fired plasma blasts at approaching ion fighters, and then began messaging other battleships to cancel the celebrations for the Frassanda Movie Festival. The captain sighed and put away the video disk which the crew had made. Their new “Action Movie†parodied new thrillers and good movies, which were all over the interwebs at this point. Captain Jell-o wondered how his crew designed their revolutionary videocam. He hoped they had not taken apart the optical sensors for one of the watchmen. Then he saw one of the watchmen collide with a wall, his arms flailing about to find the walls. Jell shook his head, worried.


    Three ships still full of video disks and hyperspeakers entered realspace, immediately opening the hyperspeaker hatches and firing sonic booms all around the ships. This caused such high vibration that the ships literally moved faster than time usually allowed. The ships fired their PAABA cannons, blowing up towers and docking bays of the gigantic ships that now moved around them. Then the drone ship received an image from one of their fighters. It came up on a projector screen, and came up as Yyumogian Syndicate Battlefleet. The crew of four thousand stared at the image, which was slowly being analyzed. Then the power went out. A wailing noise sounded through the network of metal, and then the entire command center frame was blown apart by a huge drill. The crew rushed for their lives, but they were too late. The cruiser was ripped to pieces and melted by furnaces inside the gut of the YSSF ship Heartbreaker. The tree other ships turned tail and ran, followed by hundreds of the surviving fighters. The Heartbreaker fired its guns, but the ships jumped away before anything could hit them. Endless lines of YSSpaceFleet ships proceeded onward, towards a seemingly harmless nebula.




    -------Anyways, I am well known for writing things right on the spot.
     
  10. KuraiKozo

    KuraiKozo New Member

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    Uranus lol =D
    You're putting them out too fast, i haven;t even started the first xD

    i shall read them later~ yay for explinations~
     
  11. Skyblades

    Skyblades New Member

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    Great to know. I'm still working out the kinks and errors.


    More Explanatory Stuff (You Need It)

    The Pinecone: Massive ship that looks like a pinecone, and is basically a massive docking station.
     
  12. EatMeReturns

    EatMeReturns Happy Mapper Moderator

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    <.< kurai, the sci fi in this compares to the fantasy in your writing >.> i may have to steal my quote in your profile and give it to skyblades.
     
  13. Skyblades

    Skyblades New Member

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    That's nice! Thanks!


    More Explanatory Stuff (Enough To Throw At Your Mom And Cause Her To Die Of Brain Overload)

    Shock Trooper: Remember Ironhide from the new Transformers™®©?µ˜??????ßßß??ß??ç癡ª•™£•???©å?®©¬å¬µß??壩´?´ƒ´™£™¶£¢ª™¶¢ª£§™ movie? Well, thats basically a Shock Trooper, except there are billions of them.

    YSSF: Yyumogian Syndicate Space Fleet-- most massive and formidable fleet in the galaxy. These ships generally have a crew of a million or more, and these numbers are supplied only because all the unborn babies over two hundred years were frozen until twenty years ago, and now they have all been trained and arranged on ships. This means war, since its not natural. You can prolong death (only the Colonies know how) but preventing birth is a sin to the Bringers Of Light.


    Note from Colonial Forces®©™: Learn The Lyghtian Language Today! Scare Your Families! Make People Kill Themselves With Confusion! Make Earth Explode!
    Only a retard should actually believe that the author actually put together the language yet. Don't shoot your kids.
     
  14. EatMeReturns

    EatMeReturns Happy Mapper Moderator

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    by the way, all of this is intellectual property of the owner of the account of Skyblades unless illegally obtained or copied. all material is subject to the intellectual ownership of Skyblades, and is subject to the intellectual ownership laws.
     
  15. furrer

    furrer New Member

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    To late EMR. The book is already in the shop, author: Furrer Junior.

    Seems like a nice story, you are very skilled!
     
  16. Skyblades

    Skyblades New Member

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    Thanks EMR. Thanks to Furr as well (is that nickname okay?)

    I will try working with my Microsoft Word-Thingy Program For Mac to try and make a copyright image.


    Yet More Explanatory Things To Make The Protoss Feel Dumb About Their Tech

    Skeld (Lyghtian for "God") De Los Muerte En La Sol: God Of The Death In The Sun: a spirit who runs a star factory halfway across the galaxy from Dayaskivar. He constantly comes and goes in the galaxy, helping stop stars from going nova or becoming a black hole. He takes them away and replaces them, continuing a balance in the galactic environments. The Syndicate, starved for more energy to supply their ever-hungry citizens, continually try to drive him away from dying stars so they can reap the energies released from them.

    Fort Praetorius: an ancient Colony Ship, which had been redesigned for speed and armor. Taking the regular dome section, they latched it onto a massive sublight/warp cruiser, allowing for speed during covert missions. The cruiser ends up being attacked constantly, and gets heavily attacked on its way to a Colonial star system called Aerro.



    And, to tempt you all:

    When the history class was arranging for their next session, the factory planet was distracted with sounds it called "jazz music".

    "A beep-boop adoobie dooba wap wah... "
    "Good morning, Teacher."

    "Oh--" The "music" stopped. "Good morning. Have you all done your research out in the warp fields?"

    The hundreds of machine students got up and began presenting their findings.

    "I found several ship plaques!"
    "I found a computer crystal!"
    "I found warp panel schematics!"
    All the students turned to the cybernetic construct that spoke. Holding several piles of papers in his hands, he realized that what he found was a marvel, something that might get them back to the Colonists alongside their High General and his soldiers.

    Several weeks later, at Dayerinosk.

    The High General smiled with glee at the situation. With the Bringers away on a mission of extreme importance in the Dominion dimension with all the troops in their command following, his forces managed to become the dominating force. He felt no need to modify his soldiers, for all of them were still ultimately the most powerful weapons even once they had exited the Dimensional Gate and been freed.

    He wanted vengeance, and so he was letting out some steam by controlling the system with a maniacally dominating grip. All the humans had been enslaved, giving him full run of the territory. The massive fleet of self thinking cybernetic Colonists had been trapped in their wormhole, and so now hundreds of warships patrolled the zone. Endless numbers of powerful space stations sat in orbit. All was calm, and the workers lost their will to rebel, and fell in line.






    The Factory Planet, massive, golden, and dotted with Colony Ships in docking stations ripped through the side of a closing wormhole, causing the portal into that wormhole belly to forever close. Folding its large warp panels, which the planet loved to wonder as to why they looked like giant solar wings, the tremendously oversized and heavily stocked ship began to activate the crystalline engines. Letting out a loud whoop, which broke more than one auditory sensor, the planet zoomed at a speed just below lightspeed towards home. Or so they believed.
     
  17. Ensomgrav

    Ensomgrav New Member

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    Why would machine troops ever sigh? Are they emo machine troops?
    Really skyblades, you ought to stop. Period, no further reasons given , before you get offended from actual feedback.
     
  18. ShdwyTemplar

    ShdwyTemplar New Member

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    Well time to rip the life out of another story. Sorry to say sky, but this story is more an expanse on a series of events of which generally leads to some moments of vague dialogue. Look, I'm sorry to say that very bluntly, this story needs a lot of work to be even capable of publishing. I think something that might help with this is if we (the reader) get a more direct contact with the story. I.E. through a strong main character rather than several characters that we have no real contact to. They are the extras, the gravy to the mashed potatoes and gravy. I also recommend changing this to one perspective as it generally takes on too many forms to give the reader a clear understanding. I would gladly edit this, but this seems more like a very rough draft effort of a piece. I recommend that you check out this website before going further with your story as it supplies things writers can use to create characters, worlds, and such.

    Here is a list of what I reccommend you gather for your story.
    -A definitive idea of the reality it is set in.
    -Definitive character list
    -Cultures of the Planets, Civilizations, ect... ect... (this will supply you with a good amount of background to write unique cultures instead of a generally static culture and civilization.)
    There is much more, but that is just a start

    http://www.elfwood.com/farp/writing.html

    Please note this, I edit a story for someone already and I am brutally honest with them. I will not be this way here as I don't know you and I don't want to honestly hurt your feeling and writing ability. I'm just telling you what I see as an editor. Sky if you really want me to severely edit this then give me word and I'll work on it with ya editing wise, just don't get mad if I ask questions that don't seem to matter.

    I think I'll end this post with a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt as I believe it fits.

    "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."
     
  19. Skyblades

    Skyblades New Member

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    Hence a common Colonial saying:
    "Never mess with the overseers. Never. One mistake in your words, and they politely but harshly slap you in the face with words."

    This in no way describes how you are speaking (your comments are more of a punch--lol) and most of the stuff you've all seen has undergone quite some work. Been trying to keep my versions in order, and so the closest (and actually accurate) estimate of how many words TOTAL exist in the document is near 14580. Yes. That many.



    =]
     
  20. ShdwyTemplar

    ShdwyTemplar New Member

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    Look Skyblades, you fall for the same trap a lot of writers fall for and the only reasoning I am seeing behind it is that words=//=Quality Work. I feel you need an example as to what questions I am asking when I read this so you understand just why I am asking you about this and why I think it is what it is, a rough draft effort that needs heavy editing and content change. My questions will follow as I cannot change the text color on the forum yet.
    What situation? Does the reader learn before this what that is? If so why include the next sentence? Is this the first moment we see the High General? Why is he smiling? Is he happy or was he insane? Who are the Bringers? Do we meet them before hand? If so why does it matter that they are away? What is the Dominion dimension? Can everyone travel between Dimensions? Is it an easy thing? Modifying his soldiers, why is he not modifying his soldiers to give them an ultimate advantage? Is the High General arrogant? Why is he even keeping track of the Bringers if he feels no need to modify his soldiers in there wake? Why are they the most powerful weapon? In fact, why do they even need a general if they are all super powerful? Is the general himself more powerful? Are there more powerful people within the dimension gate? If they were freed how many others were freed?

    Quite frankly I could go on for quite a bit, but those are just some questions I reached when I read just, and I mean just that paragraph. Look, if you think that was a punch at your story back there don't even bother bringing it to a real editor. That was just giving what I would advise for you and nothing compared to what some editors would do. If you want a real punch try posting a small portion of this on a site that 1. Is for writers 2. Has people that intently write for a passion and or career. That will give you a true sense of this work. Look, even if you don't like what I have to say or ask I think you should read this article and understand why I am like I am. All writers do this work and go through a lot of drafts and just so you know I don't benefit from this. The only thing I get is cred for being a donkey( in a manner of speaking) and I don't like that cred, but I feel that as a fellow writer and editor I should warn you with more respect that some people would give you that your story just needs more work. I'm sorry if I sound like a hard @$$.