I've been a big fan of any games Blizzard since 2000, but never been too much into the lore. I'll hear what's given to me during gameplay but never take the time to read through all the background stuff. Anyway, I just recently I read about Blizzard's fanfic contest and decided I might as well give it a shot. I read up on a bunch of Terran history and particularly liked the beginning of Arcturus' story, so I decided to go with it and flesh it out quite a bit. I've already submitted this story to the Blizzard contest (and copyrighted it like all of my stories); this is just a small excerpt. I'm curious to see what the SC community here has to think, because I can't be 100% sure about accuracy. If you guys like it I'll post up the rest. The entire story is about 10x this long. Arcturus 1 'My father died two days ago. I haven't spoken to him in a very long time and I know it's too late, but I wish I could speak to him now. I wish I could tell him I was sorry for what I said, but not what I have done. My life and career up until this point has depended on keeping my distance from him and his ill-fated intentions, so I am not sorry for leaving. I was grateful for his understanding on this matter, and wish I had told him so. I regret lying – telling him that I did not love him. I was many things about my father – including ashamed – but I did love him. I regret announcing before the family that from the moment of conception I planned a dissociation. “Had I been granted the gift of speech,” I declared, “I would've requested to be born from another womb.” I am glad their daughter was not yet alive to hear those sullied words, though it hardly matters now. 'They wouldn't let me attend his funeral yesterday. There was no apology or explanation or affirmation of mourning. The printed sheet on my desk simply read, “Angus Mengsk. Deceased August 11, 2491. Anya Mengsk. Deceased August 11, 2491. UMI. Deceased August 11, 2491. Days leave granted: 0.” I have read this over and over, maybe one-hundred times. Each and every time, I have fixated myself on three letters. “UMI.” Unidentified Member of the Insurgence. Words can't express what I feel, now, about the picture in my back pocket. 'Years ago I received a message from my father – the first I could recall in ages. Every transcript had been confiscated, but I was allowed to keep the picture of an infant. A baby girl. I could not imagine a child so handsome and innocent, yet there she was. I wish I had known her name, because now I can only remember her as a “UMI.” A goddamned five year-old conspirator against the Confederacy. I grow more sick with each passing hour. 'I understand you people don't know exactly who I am or what I am doing here, but I believe you knew my father. I have witnessed a great number of evils committed within the bowels of the Confederacy and I am done with it. I have withdrawn from my position, though they do not yet know. Now, as another Mengsk did long ago in order to bring you all together, I call for a coalition. All that my father believed in, I pick up in his wake; every ounce of hope you placed in him, I ask that you place in me. I am no politician – merely a prospector. Words aren't my strong suit. But what we all have – the reason we're all gathered here today – is the thirst for Confederate blood. And that is enough. 'I'm glad they don't know about my dissent; I'm glad because when curtains are drawn I want them to see me at the forefront. I want them to know what they did to me – to us – and be terrified beyond all reason. I am your greatest chance at victory for new world order of Korhal. I am the son of Angus Mengsk. You can call me Arcturus.'
That was impressive. Before I comment or anything, could you post the rest? Or give a link? I'm kinda curious as to how you've worked in the events from the game.
This disagrees with I, Mengsk a bit. You might want to check that book out. (Eg his mother is Katherine, his sister was Dorothy and was about 13 at the time of death.)
I second Kimera. This is great writing but since you're writing about Arcturus, why not read I, Mengsk first? I read It recently and it's a great book, especially for a SC fan.
Is 'I, Mengsk' canon in Starcraft? If so I might have to ask for this to be withdrawn. All I know is what I read from here: http://www.blizzplanet.com/blog/comments/starcraft_-_terran_history/. I'm a little disappointed somebody already got there before I did, and I'm curious if the author got the names and ages from official Blizzard transcripts or just came up with them himself.
I,Mengsk is canon in the SC universe. I haven't read it myself but I've seen it at Barnes and Noble and it has Blizzards seal on it.
I found Arcturus to be the type that you both love and hate at the same time, he seems so calm and seemed to have some powerful aura about me when I think about him, or when I think about how he became the head of an empire. he seems a bit enigmatic too.
The info in the link is straight from the manual. You can get Mengsk's biography at the StarCraft Wiki.
Hey aside from the canon effort needed to be put fourth with Arcturus your story is pretty solid. At least as much as you have shown. A few things I would try to focus on though are: 1. The flow between paragraphs. Try to lead the reader into next paragraph with a smooth transition. That will make the story altogether flow along better. 2. I'm presuming this is closer to an introduction to the character of Arcturus in your story than actually being the first chapter as it lacks a definitive start. I say this because as an intro it definitely delves into the conflict I predict you will have in the story, but doesn't allude to the actual story itself. The monologue action is nice and I believe you have captured the personality of Arcturus very closely to how Blizzard would have it. 3. Since you only posted the first chapter I'm not sure how you establish your setting, but I believe that you could easily slip in a vague setting into the starter paragraph to give an idea to the reader as to imagine something. I say this because you do not announce the actual character talking until the end of the chapter. A vague setting in the beginning will allow the reader to develop an idea and go further with it when you actually announce the character. Helps to make the reader think early on. 4. My final point is to keep the focus and importance of each paragraph there. Make sure that you are telling the reader statements that are important and keeping those separate from those that are not. That will allow you to focus the readers attention and keep a clean idea in the story. Most writers garble this up, but you did a rather nice job of keeping it clean. Anything else I can think of would be small edits that although might help are more of just a personal opinion on where things should be clipped. You did a nice job with getting directly to the point and not adding heaps of extraneous crap into the story. Overall I don't have a lot of objections. Hope this helps.
